Living in this purgatory, my confidence is low. I watch * publicize a new relationship and I grieve; not what was, but the wasted time, the dream unfulfilled. I suppress contempt as feel # reach for me while grieving the loss of his love and destruction of his family. I run away from $, reminding him that our goals differ too greatly but feeling supreme comfort and absolute protection when I am with him. I dance with @, anxious with anticipation, enjoying episodes in his space, allowing him inside of me but keeping him away from me by disappearing as the afterglow rises.
And I wake up alone. I hate it.
I think about all of the missed opportunities -- everything I left unsaid, every relationship I continued way past it's expiration date, every time I checked out instead of fighting hard. I feel like time is slipping away -- much, much, much too quickly. I want to walk forward, confidently and optimistically. But, I am consumed by the insecurity, the fear, the pain.
What must I do to get there? What changes must I make? How much longer must I wait?
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