Hoarding

I have difficulty letting go.  I hold on to stuff whether or not it serves me.  I keep it, even when I know these things are toxic, destructive, decaying.  Over the past 3 weeks, I have been purging my closets (1 down, 2 to go...) but my pack rat tendencies are not limited to papers and ill fitting clothing.  Deep down, I believe that if I let him go (and by "him" I mean any one of the poor matches I have kept long after our relationships have passed their expiration dates), I will never be coupled again.  My fear that no one will ever love me keeps me linked to men who disrespect, dishonor, and disregard me.

As we come to the end of this year, I intend to take better care of myself by (1) entering into and more effectively maintaining healthy and happy relationships and (2) ending relationships that no longer serve me.  It is my intention to be loving and caring to my friends, those who to whom my heart and spirit are connected in truth and respect.  It is my primary intention to love, care for, and respect myself, particularly in relation to others.

The challenge is great, but I am confident that I can finally let go...

Overcoming

For the past few days, I have been battling a funk.  In its attempts to overcome me, this melancholy has manifested itself through anger, willfulness, sorrow, and despair.  Seeing the light at the end of this long and narrow tunnel, I am ready to let it go, finally defeated and in past tense.
In order to do so, I must address my to do list:
1)  Do some form of exercise every day (totaling at least 6 hours of cardio for the week);
2) Arrive early to my appointments this week;
3) Articulate myself clearly and completely when necessary;
4) Move toward my greatest good every day.

Back to back spinning classes yesterday (complete with fainting student), started me on the path.  Tomorrow morning, I get back to the gym for cardio.  I'm excited about all I will accomplish over the next five weeks!

Inspiration Strikes...

I inhale the scent
Lingering on my pillowcase
And
While appreciating what he left behind
I long to feel
his breath kiss my cheek 
his toes graze my calf
his leg shield my hip

his arm guard my spine

the comfort of his presence

the weight of our passion

the lightness of our humor

Us Together Again...

I'm going down!

5 pounds lost...many more to go.  Although the number is small, I am feeling stronger and lighter.  It feels fantastic to actually accomplish a goal I've set for myself.  There is much more work to do but I am certainly on my way.

I've decided to step out of my comfort zone.  I might end up embarrassed or we might have fun.  Since I don't want to live with any regrets, I'm going to go for it.  Tomorrow... ;)

So, here's my first attempt at a meta statement: 
May I become the woman I aspire to be by honoring and aligning my thoughts, words, actions and commitments.